PREPAration count Down
12 MONTHS IN ADVANCE
 Speak to your partner about the wedding
and decide how you both envision it.
Do you want to have a Sofreh? Will you
have some religious readings? Are
there other religions and traditions you should consider? Do you want to
have a combined wedding and incorporate all the rituals? How long do you
want the affair to be? Do you want a four day affair or a Sunday afternoon
cocktail hour? Your vision of the wedding, the important traditions and the
length of it will help you set the stage for the perfect event.
Pick a date and seek your family’s input. Make sure you are not picking
a day that is unlucky or simply not done. For example, you may want to avoid
weddings during the sacred months of Moharram and Ramadan (Ramezan). Look
at a Persian calendar as well and make sure the Persian date is a good
one for
you and everyone involved.
Choose a location & tone for the ceremony. Make sure it is well suited
for your Sofreh, your party, and any other extras you are considering. If you
are having an interfaith marriage or non-religious ceremony, consult our guide
to find the perfect officiant. Remember that because Islam is a patrilineal
religion, a Muslim man may marry a non-Muslim woman of another monotheistic
faith (such as Christianity or Judaism) without a conversion. However, a Muslim
woman may not marry a non-Muslim man unless he converts to Islam. If you don’t
care about religion, then make sure your civil officiant can perform all
the readings you would like.If this is the second wedding for either of you,
consult
the officiant about it. You may require legal documents proving the divorce,
and there may be a waiting period.
Decide whether you want to have bridesmaids or groomsmen up front. Iranian
weddings generally do not feature a big wedding party. The witnesses play an
important role but those are usually picked between the father or an older
brother. If you do decide to have bridesmaids and groomsmen, give them plenty
of notice so they can prepare.
9-11 MONTHS IN ADVANCE
Begin looking for vendors (sofreh aghd, caterer, bakers, photographer, and
DJ’s) and meet with them to discuss your needs. If your guests have
special food restrictions, let the caterer know. Also, meet with the officiant
to discuss the ceremony, the readings and the requirements.
6-8 MONTHS IN ADVANCE
Prepare your invitations, programs, and place cards. A website is the most efficient
and modern way of getting the information to your guests in an elegant manner.
Be sure to create programs explaining the Persian Wedding rituals so your guests
understand the rich history and symbolism of your big day.
3-4 MONTHS IN ADVANCE
Decide who will be part of the ceremony. You can have a procession if you like
and choose bridesmaids and groomsmen. You will also need two male witnesses
to sign the marriage contract.
Start planning pre-wedding celebrations -- many rituals serve to prepare and
purify the to-be-weds and their families.
3-4 WEEKS IN ADVANCE
Finalize your vows (if any), readings, and sofreh details. Make sure the days
are planned in detail and you have put people in charge of specific tasks.
If you do not have a sofreh planner, put someone who knows the sofreh traditions
in charge of it. The same is truefor the ceremony rituals. If there are lots
of children, you can assign a friend to take care of their needs. If you
have favors or programs that need to be handed out, you can assign a girlfriend
or cousin to take care of it. If your wedding is over several days, create
a program with tasks and resources and hand them to the group so they know
what is expected of them. Be sure to include mobile numbers so they can contact
each other in case of an emergency. Make sure each participant understands
his or her duties. Remember to keep it light and simple.
1-2 WEEKS IN ADVANCE
Run a final check with your officiant, caterers, flowers, DJ, and all other
vendors.
THE DAY BEFORE
Enjoy pre-wedding celebrations such as henna parties, spa days, golf outings,
and shopping. Relax and enjoy your time with close friends before the big
event.
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Iranian Name Changing Practices
In Iranian culture, women
do not change their last names after marriage. This has been
a matter of law
and is a commonly known fact. After the marriage takes place,
in close circles amongst friends, colleagues, and family
who know the couple, the woman is interchangeably referred
to as Mrs. <Husband’s last name>. This means
that professionally and legally, she is known by her maiden
name and in social settings, people refer to her, as the
new Mrs. This practice is easy for everyone and has never
raised a stir. In Western society, the practice of taking
the man’s name has become a power struggle between
the couple. If you are the bride, you may choose to change
your name or not depending on whom you are marrying. For
some non-Iranian men, it is a proud and important aspect
of marriage, and it should be considered. To help you sort
through the question, we have composed a list of options
for name changing when you get married. You should discuss
all options as a couple and come to a mutually reasonable
agreement for both. Also consider the children and how you
would want them to be named as well.
 Taking
his name: If you take his name, you may feel closer
to him and bond through sharing the same name. Or there
maybe other reasons. His name may
be nicer or easier than yours. Or maybe have hated
your name all your life, and can use this as your
chance to change it. Other added benefits: there
will be no arguments over whose name
goes
over the mailbox, and is used when you are together. In
social circles, people can always refer to you as Mr and Mrs. <husband’s
last name>.
Keeping your
name: You
may not want to change your name because you have had it
all your life, and, if you're like most people, it's defines
who you
are.
This may also cause problems professionally where people you've known won't
recognize your name or know how to find you. In addition, the biggest hassle
is changing all your paper documents, emails, credit cards, bank accounts,
and other accounts. This
is the most typical method used by women in Iran. In social
circles, family and friends do refer to you as the new
Mrs.
Middle-naming it: You
may choose to use your maiden name as your middle name. This
could be a complicated option, especially if you already
have
a middle
name. You would still have to go through the hassle of changing all your
documents and accounts but this way to can have a part of your old identity
in your documentation.
Hyphenating your
name: Another
option is to hyphenate your name and complicate everything
even
more. Some couples both take the hyphenated name. It’s
up to you. At the end of the day, do what works best and
move on because it’s not
that important.
He takes your name: In many countries in Europe where marriage
has been regarded as an equal partnership, the husband is also given
the option
of changing his
name. He can decide to do this for the same reasons, maybe his last
name is hard to spell or diffcult to remember. You can also decide
what
to name your
children, where the name is a combination of your names or just one
of the names.
Create new names: This
last option is not commonly done, but some couples who hate
both their
names choose to find a combination name or a
new name that
they
both like. This seems like the most fair option but it is inconvenient.
Both sets of documents are changed and the new couple starts
their life with a new name.
If you do decide to change
your name or his name, here are the types of documents
you should consider: marriage license,
personal ID's, work ID's, driver's license, car title,
registration, social security card, passports, bank accounts,
employment information for payroll, insurance
policies, hospital accounts, paper and magazine subscriptions,
credit cards, phone companies, utilities, post office, cable
accounts, property records, creditors, and organizations
of which you are
a member. By
the time you are done, you may just be still alive. back
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Our Top Wedding Planning Tips
 Carefully
planning is the best way to ensure a fun and great event.
Remember that you want to have fun
and you want your guests to have fun, so while you plan,
try to keep everyone in mind. From your grandmother to the
little kids that may come, be sure the location is suitable
and the ceremony is not boring. And above all, keep it simple
and have a sense of humor about it all. You can’t conrol
everything and you should have fun on your day so don’t
be afraid to put others in charge so you can focus on your
partner and family. Here are our 8 Wedding Planning Tips:
1. Plan Ahead – Get together with your partner and discuss
and decide on the details as soon as you get engaged. The one thing you should
have contorl over is time and give yourself plenty of it. Come up with a
to do list and don't be afraid to make decisions.
2. Create a Date Planner – Track specific
tasks. Assign someone to each task, and decide on a deadline date. Try and
do something
small every day to get closer to your goals.
3. Share Responsibilities – The best way to plan is if you
are both involved. If there are specifc tasks that he does not want to be
involved in, share them with a best friend or mom but be sure to have someone
taking care of them.
4. Open up Communications – You need to keep talking to your
family and partner about the wedding details. There will be preferences for
location, style, and certain guests. Be sure to sit down and discuss all
the issues calmly and resolve any issues up front.
5. Stay Flexible – You may have to please different personalities,
and cater to many cultures. Keep an open mind and remember that you will
not be able to please everybody. Your relatives from Iran or else where may
not be able to attend the wedding, but that does not mean you should feel
guilty about it. You can only do so much to create the perfect celebration.
6. Shop Around – when deciding who to work with, we sure to
read our guide and shop around. Talk to different people, collect different
opnions and do not be afraid to negotiate with the planners and service providers.
Provide details on what kind of flowers you want, what kind of cake you want,
and how you want things to proceed in your aghd ceremony, if you are having
one. The more you know about what you want, the more likely you will get
it. Bring pictures of other sample weddings, cakes, décor, sofreh
aghd, or other items you envision on your big day to help them see things
your way.
7. Get Organized – Along with a planner, you should create
a folder or an excel sheet where you keep track of all the details. This
includes a sheet on your guests and their information. Collect information
on hotels and where your guests will stay. Collect all vendor information
on separate sheets and make sure you hav easy access to it at all time. Bring
all your folders and printouts when you meet with wedding vendors, and planners.
8. Stay Ahead – Keep on top of all the tasks and don’t
forget to check in with everyone every week or so to check the status of
items that are coming due. Keep in close contact with the wedding planner
and caterer when the wedding date approaches.
9. Control Cost - Agree on a total
amount for the wedding upfront and then allocate money
for each item when you have your list together. Vendors
will encourage you to upgrade and get you to spend more
but stick to your budget. The last thing you want to do
is spend all your money on your wedding and have nothing
left over for your life together. It may be true that this
is a once in a life time event, but the rest of your life
is more important.
10. Have Fun - The planning and
the wedding should be fun and bring your family together.
Don't let small annoyances or problems get your spirits
down. This should be a great event and one that your family
will enjoy for many years to come.
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Bride 101
 As the bride, you will probably be the person
responsible for getting a lot of the planning together. Make
sure you include all the people who you should include such
as your best friend, your mother, or your spouse in the planning
phase. Agree on the type of ceremony, the locatio and the
guestlist upfront. What will be all your own and lot s of
fun will be choosing a dress, and your look for the evening.
Be sure to use our guide for every vendor that you will need
for your big day. We also think you should assign a bridesmaid
to create a little emergency kit for you. In this kit you
should include items like Band-Aids, breath mints, chalk
to cover up smudges or smears on your dress, clear nail polis,
nail file, dental floss, eye drops or other lens solutions
you may need, hair pins, hair spray, mini sewing kit, safety
pins, tape, headache or pain relief tablets, small scissors,
tissues, and tweezers. In addition, make sure someone carries
your essentials like your money, cell phone, mirror, and
mini makeup to freshen your look.
Groom 101
While your fiancée
may be the person to make more decisions than you in this
event, you
will be responsible for making sure that everyone is happy
as much as she is. Make sure you agree on your wedding
style and guest list up front with your partner. Once the
big decisions like the wedding size, style, location, and
budget has been decided, you can focus on the tasks that
are assigned to you. This may include determining what
you will wear, arranging for transportation and hotel accommodations
for the guests, and helping make some important decisions
for invitations, and other details. Remember to stay supportive
and create a strong bridge if family issues come into play.
Above all, present a unified front to your family and discuss
all your decisions before you make your announcements.
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Modern Wedding Announcements
Wedding announcements are more traditional
in the west but can be a nice way of letting everybody in
your community, neighborhood, city or the world know that
you are getting married.
Generally, wedding announcements are done through the local newspaper or magazine
and are targeted at a specific group. They are published on the day of the
wedding, to announce the union. We recommend the more modern announcement as
being published in our announcmenets section of Persian Mirror. You can customize
your announcements and also let us email your family, friends, and collegues
on this busy day. One advantage to having an announcement is to remind them
of your status change. They are usually worded like wedding invitations, except
that the wedding has already taken place. They can be announced through the
parents or the couple. A sample one would read:
BANAFSHEH
MALEKI & JAMES
MICHAEL GREENE
ANNOUNCE THEIR MARRIAGE
SATURDAY, THE FIRST OF MAY
etc, etc.
Check out a real
wedding invitation to for some more
ideas.
Wedding Invitation Etiquette
 You
should consider sending your invitations to friends, relatives and acquaintances
who are to come to the Aghd and Aroosi. Consider
inviting colleagues who are good friends, not just business associates.
If you are keeping it very small, then invite the best friends, and immediate
family members only. For a home wedding, for example, invite intimate
friends and relatives of both families, but no casual acquaintances. If you
having
a medium sized wedding, then the list should consist of people you both
know well, and care about. If it is an open wedding with most families
and relatives traveling from all over the world, then you can make a larger
list.
In general, the rule of thumb for travel
is approximately 50% of the people you invite will show to the event, so
you will have room to invite many people
who may or may not come. Make sure you have enough room and that you
get RSVP’s well ahead of the event so you can plan better. This will
also help the catering and wedding staff do better forecasting for your
events. The best place to find paper invitations will be online. Look for
strong
colors
that evoke Persian history or combine your and your partner’s background.
We also recommend you look at our sample couples and see if any of their
ideas inspire you. Feel free to browse PersianMirror for more ideas or
write to us with your questions. back to the top |
