THE art of Taarof, Bahram's version BY Bahram
Saghari
My
daughter and I were going to a friend’s house,
visiting his mother who comes to
the US every year to maintain
a valid green-card and American status. She is a very together
75-year-old lady, my parents’ generation,
and a typical older traditional Iranian. The type who believes
and does because that’s what everyone else does …
You know we have a lot
of different phrases to ask how someone is doing – We
also use all of them in one encounter with the same person!
The following is the actual conversation
I had with Khanoom Naz, my friend’s mother:
 Me: Salam,
Khanoom Naz Moshtaghe Dee dar!
Khanoom
Naz: Salamalekom Bahram
khan, hale shoma, ahvale shoma, khoobi, halet khoobe,
ahvalet chetoreh, cheekar
mikoni, salamatee, chetoreen shoma, khoob hasti … Cheh
Ajab!!!
She said all this without even
breathing – “Cheh
Ajab?!”, I thought. We made plans through a few phone
calls, several email exchanges and when we went inside,
she had tea ready with cookies. She was as ready as one
can be, yet, customary she says “Cheh Ajab” – “What
a surprise”!
Me: Baaale - man khoobam, shoma haletoon
khoobe? Khanoom
Naz: Merci, motshakeram, ghorboone shoma, kheili mamnoon,
lotf dareed, tashakor mikonam ...
Me: <This was a long long thank you, and she did not
even answer how she was!> Hmmmmm parvaz rahat bood? Khanoom
Naz: Merci, motshakeram, ghorboone shoma, kheili mamnoon,
lotf dareed, tashakor mikonam ...
Me: < This was a long long thank you, and she did not
even answer how her flight was!> Hmmmmm – Az Iran
che khabar? Khanoom
Naz: Merci, motshakeram, ghorboone shoma, kheili mamnoon,
lotf dareed, tashakor mikonam ...
Me: <This was a long long cheh khabar, and she did
not even answer how things are in Iran!> Hmmmmm – Baaale,
Merci, motshakeram, ghorboone shoma, kheili mamnoon, lotf
dareed, tashakor mikonam, merci … Khanoom
Naz: Merci, motshakeram, ghorboone shoma, kheili mamnoon,
lotf dareed, tashakor mikonam ...
My daughter and I looked
at each other!
This was too intense a conversation,
even for me – she
sounded like a longer recorded answering machine that repeated
the same words over and over again. I think for the nearly
one hour that we spent with Khanoom Naz, she did not say
anything else and we did not figure out how her flight
was, or anything else.
That, regardless, reminded me
of an experience I had a few months ago: My daughter
was going on a short trip with
a couple of her friends to Northern California. Making
sure that her car won’t break down and they won’t
get stranded, I took her car to a local Persian mechanic.
Also to make sure that I get the best of service, I told
him
and explicitly emphasized that my 17 year old was going
on a trip and I brought the car to him to be specifically
as preventive as possible.
Well, I went back later that
day to pick up the car. Raymond (e.g. his real name is
Rahman) saw me, and said: Agha,
mikhasti in Bachche ba in machine bereh Tahoe? [ Did
she really want to go to Tahoe with this car in this
condition?
] I think there is something about this question
that is either missing or confusing because I myself and
voluntarily brought the car to him. It wasn’t the
case that he intercepted the trip and said: Hey hey, before
she leaves, let me check out this car in case there is
anything wrong or something. It also seems that in Farsi,
such questions are common and should be considered rhetorical
to which a response
is generally not expected or required. I thought for a
second and I replied, Naa - Baraye Hameen Avordamesh Peeshe
Shoma.
He looked
at me confused said:
Chee?! [ nope, she wasn’t going to go with the car
as it was and that’s why I brought it to you! ] .
He looked at me totally puzzled and said Chee? [ what ?
]
I think the proper response should
have been: Naa baba, Arreh … Jeddy migi? [ oh no,
really, are you serious? ] Enghandar vazeh inn machine
kharab bood? [ was the car
in such horrible condition? ] I guess I could have also
said: “Merci, motshakeram,
ghorboone shoma, kheili mamnoon, lotf dareed, tashakor
mikonam” and he would have been perfectly satisfied
and would not have asked: Chee?!
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