PREPAration count Down

12 MONTHS IN ADVANCE
Speak to your partner about the wedding and decide how you both envision it. Do you want to have a Sofreh? Will you have some religious readings? Are there other religions and traditions you should consider? Do you want to have a combined wedding and incorporate all the rituals? How long do you want the affair to be? Do you want a four day affair or a Sunday afternoon cocktail hour? Your vision of the wedding, the important traditions and the length of it will help you set the stage for the perfect event.
Pick a date and seek your family’s input. Make sure you are not picking a day that is unlucky or simply not done. For example, you may want to avoid weddings during the sacred months of Moharram and Ramadan (Ramezan). Look at a Persian calendar as well and make sure the Persian date is a good one for you and everyone involved.
Choose a location & tone for the ceremony. Make sure it is well suited for your Sofreh, your party, and any other extras you are considering. If you are having an interfaith marriage or non-religious ceremony, consult our guide to find the perfect officiant. Remember that because Islam is a patrilineal religion, a Muslim man may marry a non-Muslim woman of another monotheistic faith (such as Christianity or Judaism) without a conversion. However, a Muslim woman may not marry a non-Muslim man unless he converts to Islam. If you don’t care about religion, then make sure your civil officiant can perform all the readings you would like.If this is the second wedding for either of you, consult the officiant about it. You may require legal documents proving the divorce, and there may be a waiting period.
Decide whether you want to have bridesmaids or groomsmen up front. Iranian weddings generally do not feature a big wedding party. The witnesses play an important role but those are usually picked between the father or an older brother. If you do decide to have bridesmaids and groomsmen, give them plenty of notice so they can prepare.

9-11 MONTHS IN ADVANCE
Begin looking for vendors (sofreh aghd, caterer, bakers, photographer, and DJ’s) and meet with them to discuss your needs. If your guests have special food restrictions, let the caterer know. Also, meet with the officiant to discuss the ceremony, the readings and the requirements.

6-8 MONTHS IN ADVANCE
Prepare your invitations, programs, and place cards. A website is the most efficient and modern way of getting the information to your guests in an elegant manner. Be sure to create programs explaining the Persian Wedding rituals so your guests understand the rich history and symbolism of your big day.

3-4 MONTHS IN ADVANCE
Decide who will be part of the ceremony. You can have a procession if you like and choose bridesmaids and groomsmen. You will also need two male witnesses to sign the marriage contract.
Start planning pre-wedding celebrations -- many rituals serve to prepare and purify the to-be-weds and their families.

3-4 WEEKS IN ADVANCE
Finalize your vows (if any), readings, and sofreh details. Make sure the days are planned in detail and you have put people in charge of specific tasks. If you do not have a sofreh planner, put someone who knows the sofreh traditions in charge of it. The same is truefor the ceremony rituals. If there are lots of children, you can assign a friend to take care of their needs. If you have favors or programs that need to be handed out, you can assign a girlfriend or cousin to take care of it. If your wedding is over several days, create a program with tasks and resources and hand them to the group so they know what is expected of them. Be sure to include mobile numbers so they can contact each other in case of an emergency. Make sure each participant understands his or her duties. Remember to keep it light and simple.

1-2 WEEKS IN ADVANCE
Run a final check with your officiant, caterers, flowers, DJ, and all other vendors.

THE DAY BEFORE
Enjoy pre-wedding celebrations such as henna parties, spa days, golf outings, and shopping. Relax and enjoy your time with close friends before the big event.

back to the top

Iranian Name Changing Practices

In Iranian culture, women do not change their last names after marriage. This has been a matter of law and is a commonly known fact. After the marriage takes place, in close circles amongst friends, colleagues, and family who know the couple, the woman is interchangeably referred to as Mrs. <Husband’s last name>. This means that professionally and legally, she is known by her maiden name and in social settings, people refer to her, as the new Mrs. This practice is easy for everyone and has never raised a stir. In Western society, the practice of taking the man’s name has become a power struggle between the couple. If you are the bride, you may choose to change your name or not depending on whom you are marrying. For some non-Iranian men, it is a proud and important aspect of marriage, and it should be considered. To help you sort through the question, we have composed a list of options for name changing when you get married. You should discuss all options as a couple and come to a mutually reasonable agreement for both. Also consider the children and how you would want them to be named as well.

Taking his name: If you take his name, you may feel closer to him and bond through sharing the same name. Or there maybe other reasons. His name may be nicer or easier than yours. Or maybe have hated your name all your life, and can use this as your chance to change it. Other added benefits: there will be no arguments over whose name goes over the mailbox, and is used when you are together. In social circles, people can always refer to you as Mr and Mrs. <husband’s last name>.

Keeping your name: You may not want to change your name because you have had it all your life, and, if you're like most people, it's defines who you are. This may also cause problems professionally where people you've known won't recognize your name or know how to find you. In addition, the biggest hassle is changing all your paper documents, emails, credit cards, bank accounts, and other accounts. This is the most typical method used by women in Iran. In social circles, family and friends do refer to you as the new Mrs.

Middle-naming it: You may choose to use your maiden name as your middle name. This could be a complicated option, especially if you already have a middle name. You would still have to go through the hassle of changing all your documents and accounts but this way to can have a part of your old identity in your documentation.

Hyphenating your name: Another option is to hyphenate your name and complicate everything even more. Some couples both take the hyphenated name. It’s up to you. At the end of the day, do what works best and move on because it’s not that important.

He takes your name: In many countries in Europe where marriage has been regarded as an equal partnership, the husband is also given the option of changing his name. He can decide to do this for the same reasons, maybe his last name is hard to spell or diffcult to remember. You can also decide what to name your children, where the name is a combination of your names or just one of the names.

Create new names: This last option is not commonly done, but some couples who hate both their names choose to find a combination name or a new name that they both like. This seems like the most fair option but it is inconvenient. Both sets of documents are changed and the new couple starts their life with a new name.

If you do decide to change your name or his name, here are the types of documents you should consider: marriage license, personal ID's, work ID's, driver's license, car title, registration, social security card, passports, bank accounts, employment information for payroll, insurance policies, hospital accounts, paper and magazine subscriptions, credit cards, phone companies, utilities, post office, cable accounts, property records, creditors, and organizations of which you are a member. By the time you are done, you may just be still alive.

back to the top

Our Top Wedding Planning Tips

Carefully planning is the best way to ensure a fun and great event. Remember that you want to have fun and you want your guests to have fun, so while you plan, try to keep everyone in mind. From your grandmother to the little kids that may come, be sure the location is suitable and the ceremony is not boring. And above all, keep it simple and have a sense of humor about it all. You can’t conrol everything and you should have fun on your day so don’t be afraid to put others in charge so you can focus on your partner and family. Here are our 8 Wedding Planning Tips:

1. Plan Ahead – Get together with your partner and discuss and decide on the details as soon as you get engaged. The one thing you should have contorl over is time and give yourself plenty of it. Come up with a to do list and don't be afraid to make decisions.

2. Create a Date Planner – Track specific tasks. Assign someone to each task, and decide on a deadline date. Try and do something small every day to get closer to your goals.

3. Share Responsibilities – The best way to plan is if you are both involved. If there are specifc tasks that he does not want to be involved in, share them with a best friend or mom but be sure to have someone taking care of them.

4. Open up Communications – You need to keep talking to your family and partner about the wedding details. There will be preferences for location, style, and certain guests. Be sure to sit down and discuss all the issues calmly and resolve any issues up front.

5. Stay Flexible – You may have to please different personalities, and cater to many cultures. Keep an open mind and remember that you will not be able to please everybody. Your relatives from Iran or else where may not be able to attend the wedding, but that does not mean you should feel guilty about it. You can only do so much to create the perfect celebration.

6. Shop Around – when deciding who to work with, we sure to read our guide and shop around. Talk to different people, collect different opnions and do not be afraid to negotiate with the planners and service providers. Provide details on what kind of flowers you want, what kind of cake you want, and how you want things to proceed in your aghd ceremony, if you are having one. The more you know about what you want, the more likely you will get it. Bring pictures of other sample weddings, cakes, décor, sofreh aghd, or other items you envision on your big day to help them see things your way.

7. Get Organized – Along with a planner, you should create a folder or an excel sheet where you keep track of all the details. This includes a sheet on your guests and their information. Collect information on hotels and where your guests will stay. Collect all vendor information on separate sheets and make sure you hav easy access to it at all time. Bring all your folders and printouts when you meet with wedding vendors, and planners.

8. Stay Ahead – Keep on top of all the tasks and don’t forget to check in with everyone every week or so to check the status of items that are coming due. Keep in close contact with the wedding planner and caterer when the wedding date approaches.

9. Control Cost - Agree on a total amount for the wedding upfront and then allocate money for each item when you have your list together. Vendors will encourage you to upgrade and get you to spend more but stick to your budget. The last thing you want to do is spend all your money on your wedding and have nothing left over for your life together. It may be true that this is a once in a life time event, but the rest of your life is more important.

10. Have Fun - The planning and the wedding should be fun and bring your family together. Don't let small annoyances or problems get your spirits down. This should be a great event and one that your family will enjoy for many years to come.

back to the top

Bride 101

As the bride, you will probably be the person responsible for getting a lot of the planning together. Make sure you include all the people who you should include such as your best friend, your mother, or your spouse in the planning phase. Agree on the type of ceremony, the locatio and the guestlist upfront. What will be all your own and lot s of fun will be choosing a dress, and your look for the evening. Be sure to use our guide for every vendor that you will need for your big day. We also think you should assign a bridesmaid to create a little emergency kit for you. In this kit you should include items like Band-Aids, breath mints, chalk to cover up smudges or smears on your dress, clear nail polis, nail file, dental floss, eye drops or other lens solutions you may need, hair pins, hair spray, mini sewing kit, safety pins, tape, headache or pain relief tablets, small scissors, tissues, and tweezers. In addition, make sure someone carries your essentials like your money, cell phone, mirror, and mini makeup to freshen your look.

Groom 101

While your fiancée may be the person to make more decisions than you in this event, you will be responsible for making sure that everyone is happy as much as she is. Make sure you agree on your wedding style and guest list up front with your partner. Once the big decisions like the wedding size, style, location, and budget has been decided, you can focus on the tasks that are assigned to you. This may include determining what you will wear, arranging for transportation and hotel accommodations for the guests, and helping make some important decisions for invitations, and other details. Remember to stay supportive and create a strong bridge if family issues come into play. Above all, present a unified front to your family and discuss all your decisions before you make your announcements.

back to the top

Modern Wedding Announcements

Wedding announcements are more traditional in the west but can be a nice way of letting everybody in your community, neighborhood, city or the world know that you are getting married.
Generally, wedding announcements are done through the local newspaper or magazine and are targeted at a specific group. They are published on the day of the wedding, to announce the union. We recommend the more modern announcement as being published in our announcmenets section of Persian Mirror. You can customize your announcements and also let us email your family, friends, and collegues on this busy day. One advantage to having an announcement is to remind them of your status change. They are usually worded like wedding invitations, except that the wedding has already taken place. They can be announced through the parents or the couple. A sample one would read:

BANAFSHEH MALEKI & JAMES MICHAEL GREENE

ANNOUNCE THEIR MARRIAGE

SATURDAY, THE FIRST OF MAY

etc, etc.

Check out a real wedding invitation to for some more ideas.

Wedding Invitation Etiquette

You should consider sending your invitations to friends, relatives and acquaintances who are to come to the Aghd and Aroosi. Consider inviting colleagues who are good friends, not just business associates. If you are keeping it very small, then invite the best friends, and immediate family members only. For a home wedding, for example, invite intimate friends and relatives of both families, but no casual acquaintances. If you having a medium sized wedding, then the list should consist of people you both know well, and care about. If it is an open wedding with most families and relatives traveling from all over the world, then you can make a larger list.

In general, the rule of thumb for travel is approximately 50% of the people you invite will show to the event, so you will have room to invite many people who may or may not come. Make sure you have enough room and that you get RSVP’s well ahead of the event so you can plan better. This will also help the catering and wedding staff do better forecasting for your events. The best place to find paper invitations will be online. Look for strong colors that evoke Persian history or combine your and your partner’s background. We also recommend you look at our sample couples and see if any of their ideas inspire you. Feel free to browse PersianMirror for more ideas or write to us with your questions.

back to the top