Khastegari - Proposing

Traditionally this is called the “Khastergari” where the suitor or the “Khastegar” accompanied by his parents, guardians or elder family members calls upon the bride’s family to ask for her hand in marriage. The bride’s family receives the guests warmly offering tea and sweets “shirini”. In the olden days, when the couple did not know each other too well, they would be allowed to go on a date. Today, arranged marriages are not typical in Iran or within Iranian culture. Most couples have met and fallen in love and are ready to make the commitment. It is always polite and respectful to ask the parents for the daughter’s hand in marriage. If you are about to ask someone to marry you and you want the correct phrase or pronunciation for "Will you marry me?" in Farsi, then check out our tips section. In a more traditional setting, once the engagement has been accepted, the Shirin Khrori is planned.

Shirin Khori - engagement party

This is the official engagement celebration where the couple exchanges “Namzadi” rings. The Namzadi means engagement and they are “Namzad” or fiancé/e to each other. This celebration usually takes place at the bride’s home although these days you can celebrate your engagement anywhere you wish. The couple is blessed by both parents and the guests proceed to eat loads of sweets and pastries, the “Shirini”. Among the shirini, typical cookies and candies, you could include Zoolbiyah Bamiyeh (left), Noon-e Berenji, ajil, pistachios and chocolates. The sweetness signifies the happiness and joy which will be brought into the new couple's life. After the engagement party, the couple is officially engaged and introduced as “namzad” which also means spoken for.

Baaleh Borun -the terms

After the engagement has been announced the parents of the bride negotiate the financial matters. Legally, the marriage is a contract and they want to make sure that the bride is getting a good deal. This consists of the Jahaz which is the dowry she gets and the mehr which is the gifts that are to be included in the contract. The official contract is known as the ghabaleh or aghdnameh. The discussions are in good humor and done pleasantly between the parties. Modern couples who are aware of the commitment often times do not follow these more traditional and old-fashioned procedures. It is always nice to be aware of the history and the place of marriage in the Iranian culture.

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Mehr - the family gifts

The Mehr is a form of securing the bride’s future with some financial collateral or material backing in case of marital discord. This tradition was especially important in the old days when women did not work and if they were divorced, needed to secure their financial well being. It can be a valuable property, a large sum of money or anything that the couple agrees upon. In some families this was a very important issue and served as a status symbol if the couple was from a “good” family. These days, with women having more and more financial freedom, the mehr can be a simple token to symbolize the union such as the Koran, a poem, a personalized gift, or a promise. A modern couple would find more strength in what they promise to each other than any material goods.

Jahaz - the persian dowry

This is the dowry that the bride brings into the marriage. Traditionally, this is a collection of items from the bride’s family such as gold, silver, antique wares, home furnishings, clothes, Persian carpets or even real estate. This collection is sometimes collected by the mother from the day her daughter is born and has significant sentimental value. Today, the modern bridal registry takes care of the needs of the couple that would traditionally be taken care of by the Jahaz. More and more couples also tend to pay for their own weddings so that the burden of mehr and jahaz and the responsibilities that the parents carry no longer apply unless desired.

Band Andazi - the Beautifications i

On this day, the women get together to perform Band Andazi. This is a form of hair removal, which consists of using a thread (the band) to remove hair from the bride’s body to make her smooth and pretty for the wedding day or aroosi. It is a form of beautification like waxing and can also include a visit to the spa for other services. This would include getting manicures, pedicures, facials, and massages. It is very similar to the western bridal showers, a day of pampering and fun for the bride and her close friends and relatives.. In the olden days, it is also said that the old lady in the village would go around to the neighbors and ask for gifts and household items for the young couple. You may choose to throw a bridal shower for the bride to do the same.

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Hanna Bandun - the Beautifications iI

The application of Hanna or Henna is an old one that is no longer practiced in the cities of Iran but may be found in some villages. It is performed in many countries all over Asia and has become more popular in the west in recent years. It takes place a day or two before the wedding is a variation or extension on the beautification process. The groom’s family bring the henna to the bride’s home and proceed with the party. The bride is surrounded by family and female friends while the henna designs are applied to different parts of her body. The evening is spent with much dancing, eating, partying and celebration. The next morning, the bride can go for a ritual bath of milk or rose water. She is taken then to the spa or beauty salon to get ready for the aghd and aroosi.

Engagement Announcements

It is always a good idea to make a formal engagement annoucement to your friends and family. This is traditionally a more Western custom, where annoucements are published in local newsletters or prominent newspapers such as the New York Times. At PersianMirror, we offer a private service to help you announce your engagement to friends and family. You can do this through the creation of your own website within PersianMirror, which will eventually become your wedding webpage. PersianMirror creates your engagement announcement page. We will then notify your friends and family of the engagement and directs them to your personal page. Engagement announcements typically include a picture of the bride and groom and additional information about their backgrounds, their families, where they attended school and where they met. PersianMirror can also send a less formal announcement in the form of an email to your friends and family to announce your engagement. Please contact us at weddings@persianmirror.com to sign up for the Persian engagement announcement service.

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Top 5 marriage Proposal Tips

Proposing marriage is one of the most nerve wracking and exciting experiences one can go through. Doing it right is extremely important for a number of reasons: first, it’s critical to make sure she says “yes”; second, it sets the tone for many things to come, in particular some of the most exciting days of your life which will soon after follow; third, it is probably the one experience you will remember for the rest of your life; and fourth, she will tell her friends and family every nitty detail of how it all happened.

Here are our TOP FIVE tips for a smooth proposals:

1. A proposal is a very intimate event that is about spending your life together. When all other people are gone, it is just you and your spouse. We believe that the proposal should, therefore, be intimate. If you have always had your heart set on proposing at a sports event, a family reunion, on the dance floor of a local nightclub or even at the office Christmas party, think about your spouse and make sure she will appreciate the gesture –if you think she will, then knock yourself out. Otherwise, we suggest keeping the proposal just between the two of you.

2. As intimate as a proposal is, it is also extremely personal. Use your relationship as a guide for ideas. Pick a favorite location that means something to the two of you as the setting for the task. The words you chose should also be based on your characters rather than a set formula. Some are romantic while others are funny –in this regard everyone and every relationship is different, so use your imagination. The most creatively infused proposals are generally the most memorable. If there is one rule that should apply, most gentlemen and women will say that it should always be down on one knee.

3. To many, asking the parents or family of your future fiancée is, as a matter of principal, important because it shows respect for the family. Others strongly believe that the primary decision --first and foremost-- must be between the man and woman. As such, once the proposal has been accepted, the couple then approaches the parents and family telling them of the proposal, the acceptance and asking for their blessings to wed. In many cultures, a formal engagement party, coupled with mayhem until the wedding, will then follow.

4. Have fun. At the end of the day, don’t be worried if your plans go awry or the dominos don’t fall in order, treat it as part of the plan and laugh. The reality is that when you are doing something like this, that you really can’t rehearse, things will go wrong, which frankly, should add to the fun and memories. Enjoy the romance, laugh at the folly, remember the day and, of course, focus on the target –make sure she says “YES”!

5. And one last tip for those of you who do not speak Farsi…the way to say I love you, will you marry me is ---“Duset Daram Azizam. Ba man Ezdevaj Mikoni?’ It won’t hurt to have a Persian friend help you with the pronunciation of this one.

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Marriage Proposal Ideas

While marriage proposals are very intimate, here are some past stories that may inspire you for your big day:

1. One crafty and creative fellow told us that he flew his girlfriend to San Francisco where they had a nice romantic weekend. After dinner on the second night, he took her to a serene garden, got down on one knee, opened a scroll and read her a very funny poem that he’d written about their relationship. The last line of the poem was a proposal written in Farsi. Never having spoken Farsi before, he mispronounced the proposal, which confused his girlfriend until she saw the ring.

2. A woman from Los Angeles gushed about her perfect proposal. Her now husband, took her on a late afternoon picnic to the beach and after walking for a few miles, they came upon a fully set table beside which a string quartet played classical music. When they reached the table, they sat down and had some champagne. After an incredible dinner, the husband to be began singing opera, which ended up with him down on one knee making a proposal.

3. A fellow in New York told us about his proposal which was, to be fair, much less flamboyant but just as special as the two above. He booked a private room in the basement of a restaurant in New York, which was a favorite of the couple’s, and took her there for a multi-course champagne dinner. After dinner, the waiter appeared with a ring-box on a plate for desert. After sarcastically, saying, “I didn’t order that…” her next words were “OK…why not”?

4. A couple that likes to hike told us of a long hike they went on to the top of a mountain in Colorado –replicating a hike they’d done on their first date. By the time they hit the top of the mountain, the sun was setting and he pulled out a ring, dropped down on one knee and fumbled through a proposal. Tired & exhausted from the hike, he apparently needed her help to get back up to his feet –luckily for him, she said yes, after which, they experienced a mid-summer rainstorm as they hiked back down the mountain.

To share your ideas, or ask us whether your proposal idea is a good one, visit our message board section and post your thoughts, ideas, and questions.

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Interesting proposal Links

Here are a few links we recommend if you need more information on the art of proposing: