Democracy NOW…ok now and then.
This is a gathering of George W. and the “brain power” around him, discussing spread of democracy in the Middle East, specifically Iran.
In the enormous success of spreading democracy like insecticide from a biplane, over Iraq, “boys” decided to do the same in Iran.
“Yeah, we just use “Eye-Rack”, like a cookie cuter you see, we’ll do the same thing in Iran”, Bushy says. Silence of missed high fives by bunch of nerds, who got their asses kicked on a regular basis in high-school and college, if attended, fills the room.
W- We will start by introducing them to purple ink.
Rove- We got to use a different color since that was used in Eye-Rack.
Some Arab shmock- You mean “Eragh or Iraq” sir, your highness, boss.
Rove and the rest of the brainiacs- What’s that?
W- All right then, dark blue ink and then we have to find them a president. How about this Eye-Rainian dude who works at Unocal? He got some PhD or sometin’.
Some Iranian shmock- Sir, I think it’s pronounced “EE-Runn”, and they have a president and he has a PhD already. Thousand prdons, sorry, sorry, sorry.
Rove- Errrrrrr, not an American PhD, it don’t count.
Arab, Iranian, Somalian, Syrian, and North Korean Shmocks- It’s “doesn’t Count”, sir, your highness….
Brainiacs- “SHUT UP”…we know how to speak American!
Shmocks- Isn’t it English?...never mind, thousand pardons…sorry.
W- So, we got ink, we got the Unocal feller, we all set ha?
Rove- No, they need a Attorney General. How do you say that in Eye-Ranian?
Iranian shmock- “Daad setane koll”.
Rove- What? Istanbul, Kabul?
W- Why don’t we just send them Gonzo?
Rove- Naaa, he’s damaged goods.
Iranian Shmock- Sirs, I’m sure we already have a corrupt AG, if not, we can find one easily in Iran.
W- Ok then, how do we teach them how to vote?
Iranian Shmock- Sir, they’ve been voting since 1979.
W- Not good enough. We’ll send Jebb, Harris, and bunch of other people from Florida to teach them how to vote and count them. They got experience in them hanging chats and shit.
Brainiancs- Hurrayyyyyyy, King George’s the best, King George’s the best!
W- The Unocal dude is gonna need a VP. Any Eye Ranians with severe heart disease and mean as venom?
Rove- Hey, somebody get the defibulator, Dick is foaming at the mouth again.
Condy- Ohh, he’s not having a heart attack, he’s just angry.
W- How about someone like Rove? What do you do again, Carl?
W- Hey Eye Ranian dude, you got anyone who knows everything and does everything in Eye Rann?
Iranian Shmock- Well, we have a lot of, no, in fact everyone knows everything, but doing everything, hmmmm, naaaa.
W- How about Wlfie, what’s his role?
Condy- I don’t know. Besides he’s too busy with World Bank and finding a different job for his girl friend.
Dick- Have him call me, Halliburton is looking for a new something.
W- So, that’s it then, ha?
Iranian Shmock- Yeah, we’re gonna be just fine sir, your highness. Choose a president who despite losing the popular vote becomes president, check.
An attorney general, who lies more than he breaths, check.
A VP who’s pissed off on a regular basis and shoots people in the face, check.
A secretary of state, who’s African American…wait a minute, we’re gonna have to import that one.
Establish a system where every nincompoop, whether they know what the hell they’re doing or not, will run a different government agency.
Just have to make sure that they have or will swear their loyalty to the President, regardless.
Brainiacs- That’s it, you got it.
Iranian Shmock- But this is nothing new. We have this exact system in Iran, right now. Why do we need the same thing?
We have a president, who wasn’t really picked by the people, everyone in the government has sworn on his/her testicles, (wait a minute) to be loyal to the “intelligent parliament”, (oxy moron), and the whole government is stack full of people who don’t know how to do their job.
Brainiacs- But you have no liberties.
Iranian Shmock- Neither do you, really. Have you read the Patriot Act?
Brainiacs- But you have political prisoners, human rights issues, your government is mean to the people.
Iranian- (not a shmock any more), And how is that different from you? What do you call the prisoners in Gitmo? Patriot Act, and did I mention Patriot Act?
Rove- Ok, does everyone speak English?
Iranian- Does everyone here?
Rove- (now he foaming at the mouth), well you aint’ Christians and have oil.
Iranian- Ohhhh, ok then. So, it hasn’t much to do with Democracy, does it?
Dick- Hey Eye Ranian Dude, how about you and I go hunnin’?